God I pray today for the resilience to stand up and live.
To say no the lies in my head.
The voice that tells me life is better without me,
or that they won’t miss me,
or that my impact is nominal.
That I’m a failure,
or that love is conditional,
and it’s not looking good.
God, today I pray for the fortitude to stay standing
and not give into the desire to write the note,
or make my peace,
because I’m not done yet.
My story won’t end in the middle of a sentence,
not because I believe it is a sin or makes me a coward,
but because I know that the emergency exist is a false negative,
telling me “to eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die.”
But I know that tomorrow will rise again,
and I have hope that it will be better than today.
Because tomorrow is a new opportunity.
A poet once said,
“I can see into the future… and in the future, I’m alive.”
I don’t have the same ability,
but I have faith that there is more story left to live and create.
Mistakes to be made and reconciled,
and wisdom to be learned.
For now my eulogy can wait.
And God forbid it say, “Gone too soon.”
I don’t want to live long.
Because I barely know what to do with my life now.
But if God blesses me with time,
may I live well and may I prosper.
Am I happy?
No, but I’m content.
And sometimes that’s more important.
So today, I repeat my prayer:
God, give me the resilience to stand up and live.
Because tomorrow is going to better.
I have faith in the anthem of hope,
uttered on the cross when the world was cumbersome and full of trouble.
In the place where you overcame,
and you said “It is finished.”
May we rise again.